For the Boys: What's In, What's Out

Okay, all you boys out there. Especially you there in Silicon Valley. ("Boys" includes you, if you're somewhere between the ages of puberty and age-defying.) There’s no reason to look like Ed Grimly, or Inspector Gadget. No reason to smell like you've been locked up in a closet with old gym clothes either. So, as a favor to us women, take heed to these fashion and man-scaping tips.

PANTS:
In: Flat front pants.
Out: Pleated pants.
(Do you really think pleats make you look thin? No. They make you look fat everywhere.)

In: Pants long enough to touch the very top of your heel.
Out: I can see your socks when you’re standing still.

SOCKS:
In: Mid-calf. Matches your pants or shoes.
Out: I can see your pasty, white, hairy legs when you cross your legs. Eeww!!!

SHIRTS:
In: Nicely pressed (by the cleaners) shirts, or no-iron, all cotton tailored or close-fitted shirts. (Check out Nordstrom or Brooks Brothers).
Out: Loose, billowy shirts with the straight out of bed-I don’t have a wife-I do my own laundry look.
Very Out: Shirts with a company logo. Any shirt with any logo. Out.

(Tip: If you must slip a pen into your shirt pocket, please make sure it’s a nice pen, and not one with some company’s logo, or worse, a Bic Pen.)

JACKETS:
In: Whether it’s a suit jacket or sports jacket, shoulders should fit perfectly and jacket should be fitted.
Out: Oversized shoulders and wide armholes. You’re not planning to wear football shoulder pads in there, are you?

SHOES:
In: Prada-like slip on loafers, or shoes with a strap and a side buckle.
Out: Tassles- so 80’s. Sneakers- gross. Crocs- unless you're gardening.

Now for some man-scaping tips. (Man-scaping: taken from the word "landscaping", it is the art of grooming men's hair and other body parts.)

In: Unscented deodorant (Clinique makes the best).
Out: Deodorant that matches your cologne. I don’t care how much you sweat, you shouldn’t pile stink on stink. I’ll run the other way.
Way, Way Out: No deodorant at all.

In: Cologne that I can’t smell. Or no cologne at all.
Out: The kind I can smell all the way down the hall and know you’re somewhere in the vicinity. And by the way, I don’t want to smell like you after a meeting in a hermetically sealed conference room.

(Tip: If you insist on wearing cologne, ask a fashion-forward female friend to help you choose one, and teach you how much to wear. Make sure she’s the type to tell you the truth. To play safe, stay away from it all together. There’s nothing sexier than smelling like soap and water.)

In: A close shave. Or a 3-5 day old growth, nicely trimmed.
Out: Shaving everywhere but leaving that furry growth under your chin. What is that!!

In: Clean, hair-free ears.
Out: Hairy, fuzzy ears. Not only do I want to have to look at your ears closely, but I certainly don't want to see little bits of hair sticking out here, there and everywhere. Take 5 more minutes, turn your head a little more and shave those puppies.

In: Neatly trimmed finger nails.
Out: Long nails; or long on one hand or short on another; or a long pinky or thumb nail. If you plan to use these as a screwdriver, here’s $2 bucks. Buy a real one. It looks AWFUL.
Oh – and dirty nails. There is NO excuse for dirty nails. I’d hate to find out what else is dirty.

In: Nicely groomed feet.
Out: Long nails, dead nails, calluses. I don’t even want to think about it.

In: A nice haircut. Or if you’re losing it, a buzz cut. The long hair isn’t fooling anyone.
Out: Slicked back hair or a comb over. (Tip:Your hair should compel women (or men, whichever way you swing) to run their fingers through it)

Extra tips:
In: A nice, well toned body.
Out: A beer gut.

In: A good gay friend to help you get a good girl friend.
Out: A good guy friend to keep you from getting the good girl friend.